Hey Jongedame!

Hi Meisje-H. I am writing this as you sleep. Reason being: your mommy is sleeping as well and I am, as usual, not sleepy yet. So hey, I decided to write something for you in front of my beautiful ultrawide monitor. Why not, right? I’ve also decided to write in English because sometimes it’s easier to do so. It’s funny how I realize that I think and talk to myself in different languages these days. Geen Nederlands though. It’s either Bahasa Indonesia, Basa Sunda or English. Your Dutch is already better than mine. I’ve also lost control of English grammar actually, but it does flow a bit naturally as a used language rather than a “learned” language.

Hi Meisje-H, today you had quite a long day. Without nap as well. But, you seem to be happy going out with us and met other people as well. You were quiet as always, but you do seem to threw a lot of smile. Other people will probably not notice it, but me and your mommy will always look out for your happiness and so we did see that today. I hope that you will start to learn to talk to other people soon though. I don’t mind if you only want to talk to me and your mommy forever, but getting along with others (including talking to them) is a survival skill that you need to learn, eventually. For now, honestly, I am happy that you are picky and that you seem to only trust your parents.

Hi Meisje-H, I’d like to ask you: have you ever miss me? Because I always miss you, even now. I miss you more than I miss your mommy.  I think about you a lot whenever I am in the office or when I’m driving. I’ve said that being a father is not easy. Sometimes I feel like I love you so much that it actually hurts and it’s very difficult to comprehend the feeling. I love your mommy so much, but sometimes she really annoys me. Whenever she annoys me, I don’t think about how much I love her and I will just focus on being annoyed. However, with you, even when you annoyed me I will still think about how much I love you. So it’s difficult to focus on being annoyed when all that matters for me is your happiness. The other part that sometimes hurt me is the fact that I know you’re not mine. You’re simply not, because nobody owns their own life. Life can be taken out of me or you anytime.

Hi Meisje-H, it seems like you are always growing at a faster pace than my prediction. My job is to do history match and forecast, and I think I might lose my credibility in the office because I have failed every time with you. You always understand more than what I have predicted. I have loss my first debate with you on the topic of why mommy should sleep instead of waking up. You remember a whole lot of details from your daily activity that an adult would easily forget. In 15 months you will start going to school and that also makes me anxious. A little bit about how you would adapt to school, but more about how I am afraid that you will just continue to grow up very quickly and I can’t do anything to stop it, can I?

Hi Meisje-H, these 500-600 words that I’ve written to you, there’s nothing much in it, but I do hope you’re okay with it. I know you haven’t been able to read, but with your learning pace and wi-fi connection.. hey, who knows you might already taken over this blog in 2 years time? So, one day when you can read this, please don’t be ashame of your father. Instead, remember every minute in your life how I put your happiness way ahead of mine (although I might make you move from cities/countries time to time..). We will also have changes this year and I still can’t imagine as well how that will affect my feelings and how I manage it. But for now, you have all my love lieve Mesije!

Oh wait, there’s your mommy as well :p

 

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